


SpiderBaby

by Zephrbabe



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, Peter Parker is an Avenger, Spiderbaby, don't give Tony ideas, science wrangler!Darcy, taserwebs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 00:43:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11817642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephrbabe/pseuds/Zephrbabe
Summary: Darcy Lewis wrangling scientists and one super-powered teenaged intern (you know the one).





	1. Drabble-a-Thon Day 13

 

“Needs more tasers.”

Tony glanced up from tweaking the internal electronics of the spider suit and eyed her. Lewis always thought tasers were a good idea; she had some kind of electricity fetish or something.

“He shoots webs, Lewis. Like a spider. Why would he need tas-”

“Yeah, SpiderBaby is going to need a taser function. There isn’t an offensive option in this thing.” She was fingering the suit material where it was lax on one of Tony’s glass-topped tables.

“One, there is a sudden death mode with lasers. Two, I think I can guarantee that he would not respond well to being called ‘SpiderBaby.'”

Lewis eyed him right back. She set his two o'clock green smoothie on a relatively clear work surface near him and picked up the empty glass from his ten o'clock “second breakfast.”

“Rebuttal one: the suit doesn’t have a  _non-lethal_  offensive option. Not everyone fights bad guys to the death, Stark. Rebuttal two: he is young enough to be my surprise-teen-pregnancy baby, and yet he’s still a superhero. I don’t want to see him hurt while his voice is still changing, so I am definitely calling him SpiderBaby for the foreseeable future.”

She set down his glass again. She manhandled one of the holographic displays he had up and started pulling at stuff. Tony definitely did not slap at her hands to get her to stop messing with his designs. He’d learned  _that_  lesson.

Lewis poked around the schematic in silence for a few minutes while Tony slugged back her kale concoction.

When she turned to him, Tony had a brief moment to reflect that Lewis had somehow managed to replicate Black Widow’s eyebrow quirk without ever having met the woman. “Web grenades?”

He caved. “Ok, ok: taser webs. He’ll shoot a web and it will act as a conductor. Satisfied, Lewis?”

Hefting the empty glass, and pulling the freshly-empty glass out of his hand, Darcy made for the door. Before FRIDAY could open it for her, she called over her shoulder, “The kid isn’t ready for all your Avengers melodrama, Stark. He needs, like, training wheels or something.”

Tony scoffed, paused, then grinned to himself. He pulled up a keyboard on the hologram running the suit’s programming and started typing.

Sometimes he could see why Pepper had hired that woman.

–

AN: Peter Parker is 15-ish in SM:H, and Kat Dennings (and I) are 31, and being old enough to be his teen mom is a thought I definitely had directly after watching the movie.


	2. That Stark Internship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where the previous chapter takes place before SM:H, this one is set a week or so afterwards.

Peter flings his backpack into his room on his way past, heading for the kitchen. Maybe there’s still some of May’s half-burnt meatloaf in the fridge; he’s hungry enough that anything would taste good.

As he swings into the living room, he pulls up. May is at the dining table, laughing with a dark-haired woman he doesn’t recognize. There’s a box of donuts between them, and Peter can smell that May has brewed the good coffee.

May turns away from her guest with a smile. “Hey, Peter. How was class?”

“Fine?” he says, eyes flicking between his aunt and the stranger. She’s in a dark hoodie, with a forest green beanie perched on her head. The hoodie has a Stark Expo logo on the breast, but that doesn’t mean anything, right? He’s just getting his hopes up.

“Donut?” the woman pipes up. The box opens, and they smell fresh. How did anyone get fresh, hot donuts at four o'clock in the afternoon?

“Thanks,” Peter mumbles, taking a blueberry cruller. The donuts are from Doughnut Plant, May’s favorite. He does not take two, because that would be rude. Instead, he walks past the two women to fetch the leftover meatloaf out of the fridge.

May doesn’t let him take more than a couple bites of cold meatloaf before she announces, “Peter, this is Darcy Lewis. She’s here to talk to you about the Stark internship.”

 _What?_  His eyes jump to his aunt’s, which are twinkling. He tries to convey, mainly via eyebrows, that  _they’d talked about this_.

“Yo,” Darcy says pleasantly.

“Um, hi,” Peter replies. This is not going well.

Neither Mr. Stark nor Happy had told him anyone would be coming by, but when did they ever?

Hefting a broad, wafer-thin laptop onto the table, Darcy Lewis launches into what may or may not have been a prepared speech at some point: “First off, on behalf of Stark Industries and the new Shield- which is very hush-hush, don’t tell anyone- now that you’ve got the go-ahead to be a real Avenger- congrats by the way- and you’ve managed to scare the bejeesus out of my boss’ boss, who is also sometimes my boss, who is also sometimes a huge pain in the- you know-” she interrupts herself “forget it. Here’s the tl;dr-”

She looks up from all the typing she’s been doing as she spoke. Peter has had the same half-chewed bite of meatloaf hanging out of his mouth for the last minute.

“We’re turning the training wheels program back on in your suit. Your ‘chair guy’ won’t be able to crack my algorithms before Tony finds out he’s trying, so don’t bother messing with it. It’s in there for a reason. But don’t worry: there’s a whole Karate Kid-style training subroutine so you can learn to use your eyeball lasers and whatnot. Karen- her name’s Karen, right? Karen will be like your Mr. Miyagi. No waxing. Probably. She’ll be able to walk you through everything, anyway. I mean, she’s literally wrapped around your body, like, even more than Friday is wrapped around Tony’s. She is definitely going to be able to improve your form and shi- stuff.” Darcy glances at May, who concisely relays, via eyebrow, that if Peter is old enough to be an Avenger, he is old enough to hear swear words. “The training wheels stay on until you’ve mastered the individual features, and how to use them in the field. It’s  _supposed_  to be a gradual process. Tony is very sorry, or he will be, that he didn’t bother to tell you about the program when he left you the suit the first time.”

“ _That_  was the tl;dr?” Peter chokes out. His voice cracks a bit.

“Yep.” Darcy pops the “p” like it’s bubblegum, and turns the laptop to face him. The screen, with much more complex code than Ned had shown him, has an overlay that reads “Training Wheels On.”

May folds her hands on the table, the crumbs of a malted chocolate old-fashioned on a napkin in front of her. She’s got that Cheshire cat smirk that she always gets when someone is about to get schooled. “Tell him the other part.”

Darcy makes an “oh yeah” gesture, and stuffs the gorgeous Stark Industries laptop back in her bag.

“So, about the internship,” she starts.

Peter flails; how to convey that even though the Stark internship was only a ruse so he could be a superhero after class without anyone getting suspicious, Tony firing him from the Avengers roster had basically destroyed his morale and crushed his spirit, and that Tony welcoming him back had been great, but not totally what he needed? It had been technically fake, but emotionally real.

“Oh, uh, but that was just, y'know…” Peter shrugged.

“I understand you’re good with chemicals,” Darcy interrupts. She does that a lot, he’s noticed, mostly to herself. “What do you know about astrophysics?”

“Thanks, and, nothing?”

“Excellent.” Darcy offers him the box again, and he takes a peanut butter and jelly donut. “One day a week, you’ll be interning with those of us left at the Tower, barring world-saving shenanigans. You’ll actually be the intern’s intern. Ian will be thrilled.”

“Who-” but Darcy waves him off. She’s already pulling her things together to leave. It seems like everyone who works for Stark is always in a hurry.

“Tony wants-  _We_  want you to get actual real lab experience. It’ll be good for you, get you out of the grind of schoolwork and superhero work. You can start in the labs next week; Jane can survive without supervision for that long.”

Peter doesn’t bother asking who Jane is. It sounds like he’ll be finding out anyway.

“Do you know how to get to the- nevermind, I’m sure you can figure it out. Karen has GPS, if nothing else.”

He’ll  _definitely_  be taking the subway. It might not take him long at top swinging speed, but there is always the small matter of having tall enough buildings to swing from. Plus, he doesn’t exactly want to advertise that Spiderman is going to Avengers’ Tower once a week.

“I’m your new Stark internship mentor, by the way. Happy is sort of indefinitely tied up with the move upstate.” Peter gets the impression that Happy Hogan got a high-decibel talking-to by the short woman holding out her business card to him. “Here’s my number; text or call me whenever, whatever. Girl talk, science talk, supervillain talk. The usual.”

Her card is wrinkled, and reads,  _Darcy Lewis, Science Wrangler_.

She and May shake hands at the door, sharing a grin, which is scary. Peter watches them conspire briefly, eating his donut and considering which one to eat next. He’s been steamrolled handily, but what else is new?

Calling over May’s shoulder as she leaves, and with a grin that spells no good things for Peter’s dignity, Darcy calls, “But no boudoir shots, SpiderBaby.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](http://zephrbabe.tumblr.com/)


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